Year 3020: Charred Remains of South Minneapolis Contain Hundreds of Sealed Miniature Capsules Preserving Humanity's Worst Books


Milky Way Galaxy, Year 3020 (Human Calendar) – After donning protective suits and picking through the rubble of collapsed human society, researchers from the Bergexion TR-9 Supercluster gave an official press conference detailing the team’s discovery of hundreds of house shaped book pods in the region formerly known as Minneapolis.  

“Thousands of books in one of the southern neighborhoods were beautifully preserved in these little wood and glass houses,” explained the chief scientist, “and we believe these pods were a last-ditch effort by a dying race to leave a trace of themselves behind. This species clearly possessed a prolific literary tradition. But we’ve been translating some of the books, and… yikes.”

The press conference continued, with most of the translation team taking time to express bewilderment as to why this doomed race chose to preserve some of the worst literature they had ever encountered in the Laniakea Supercluster. 

“From our findings, we conclude these people primarily read children’s picture books, serial murder mysteries, and the occasional business self-help book. What a bunch of weirdos,” remarked a senior translator, holding a copy of a James Patterson paperback at arm’s length. 

“Just derivative and juvenile. Pandering, shallow, empty text. We fell asleep multiple times while reading this drivel, and biologically we don’t need sleep.” They paused to toss the book haphazardly behind them, then continued their transmission. “It does give a bit of insight – with brains drawn to junk like this, no wonder these idiots wrecked one of the most inhabitable planets we’ve ever seen.”