Out of Options, Twins Try Playing Good

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At a postgame press conference yesterday, Twins Manager Rocco Baldelli revealed the strategy that had garnered them one of the best records in Major League Baseball this season. “In the off-season, me and the coaches were scratching our heads thinking, ‘what can we do to change things around here?’ And then, out of nowhere, Tommy [Watkins] stands up and says, ‘Why don’t we start playing good?’”

The seismic change in thinking recently propelled the team to a mid-week sweep of the Toronto Blue Jays. “We all sort of looked at each other, and we were like, no one’s thought of that before.”

Baldelli talked in detail about the new strategy. “First, we got players who play good. In my opinion, that’s the foundation of a team that plays good.” When asked what goes in to the selection process, Baldelli added, “We didn’t want players who play bad.”

First Base Coach Tommy Watkins, the originator of this bold new strategy, ran into trouble implementing it at first. “I’d spend practice screaming at these guys, ‘Play good!’ And they would just stare back at me. I don’t think it had ever occurred to them before.”

Baldelli concluded the press conference by laying out his plan for the rest of the season. “We’ll keep playing good. And if we start to play bad, we’ll stop that.” When asked what would happen if they just played “okay,” Baldelli froze for a moment, then swiftly stood up and left.