MN Bureau of Criminal Apprehension Renamed "Bureau of Investigating Police Shootings"

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Citing changes to the nature of their work, Minnesota Bureau of Criminal Apprehension officials have announced that the department will soon be renamed “Bureau of Investigating Police Shootings”.

“Since it is our job to investigate every time a Minnesotan officer kills someone, and since that happens very frequently, we thought it would be best to align the name of our department to match our work.” said Andy Bevans, Commissioner of the newly christened BIPS during a press conference. Bevans noted that in the past 20 years, Minnesotan police have killed over 177 people, including 13 people in 2018 alone. “The high rate of police officers killing individuals leaves little time for us to conduct any other investigations, so we decided to just look into the cop murders”, he added.

While the agency formerly was responsible for leading statewide investigations into financial crimes, gang violence and the narcotics trade, officials made clear that these will no longer be in it’s purview. “Yeah, the thing is, we are pretty much using the crime lab just to track the amount of bullets these cops fire”, Commissioner Bevans said.

“So say bye to all that other stuff we used to do. Those areas will now be the responsibility of the Department of Vehicle Services, because we have deemed that they have the most capacity to handle it”, he continued.

Officials also announced the establishment of several special task forces within the BIPS to correspond with their new mission, including the “Murder of People with Mental Health Issues Task Force”, and “Murder of Unarmed Black Men Division”. “We expect these offices to be very busy,” Bevans explained.

Despite the name change, officials were quick to point out the fact that department’s protocols of justifying the actions of murderous cops will remain the same.

“While the name might be new, we want to make sure the public knows that we will continue our long standing practice of ensuring that police officers who shoot and kill Minnesota residents are let off the hook” he said, “That will never change”.