Mary Tyler Moore Still Waiting for True Love’s Kiss to Unfreeze Her

MINNEAPOLIS — Despite having been frozen in the middle of a major metropolitan area, sources Mary Tyler Moore has still not received the true love’s kiss that will set her free. Moore, star of the popular 70s sitcom “The Mary Tyler Moore Show,” was frozen in 2002 by a vengeful witch, cursed to remain motionless until her true love kissed her.

“Mary was bragging about how busy she always was,” the witch claimed in a phone interview. “I wanted to show her that she needed to slow down and enjoy life. Honestly, I thought she’d be free by now.”

The actress and comedian was frozen after the witch’s evil wind spell blew off her hat, the source of all of Moore’s powers. The cruel facsimile of her famous show’s credit sequence still sits at the corner of Nicollet and 7th, and is surrounded by her downtown squirrel and pigeon friends awaiting Moore’s reanimation. In a cheerful song and dance number, the creatures said they were confident that she will make it after all.

(Editor’s Note: The Nordly does not encourage kissing Ms. Moore)