MINNEAPOLIS—Believing she would be able to navigate the vast 9.5 mile system in downtown Minneapolis without any prior research, Jennifer Halstenrud entered the skyway at Monday morning to discover a labyrinthine nightmare she could have only scarcely imagined.
“I mean, I really thought it would be just like walking out the street,” said Halstenrud, still clearly unsettled by her experience. “It’s nothing like the street. Nothing makes sense in there.”
Halstenrud knew she was lost after rounding a corner by some salad place and a Starbucks. It was then that she saw a man she described as “tall, thin, powerful and mysterious”, who was later identified as Jareth the Goblin King.
“He just kept saying ‘it’s farther than you think’, which was weird, because Potbelly was right there,” said Halstenrud.
Another frequent skyway user, Chuck Johnson, stated that though Jareth’s presence is unsettling at first, you do eventually get used to him.
“He’s completely harmless, really” said Johnson, adding that he has actually come to enjoy Jareth’s song and dance numbers. “You never know which Jareth you’re going to get, day to day. Sometimes he’s really aggressive, but then sometimes he’s just spinning around, singing about slime.”
Though Halstenrud eventually found her way, eyewitnesses confirmed earlier today that Jareth was still staking his claim outside of Potbelly Sandwich Shop, goading other pedestrians to “turn back before it was too late”.